Elaine Grundy: looking for Urban Enlightenment

Tap onto Your Freedom using The Work of Byron Katie

An Introduction to

The Work of Byron Katie

Presented by

Sue Lee, Certified Facilitator of The Work
Saturday 31st October, 9am-1pm

“My partner doesn’t appreciate me."
“The world is a dangerous place.”
“I need more money.”
“I’m too fat.”

Thoughts like these may run through our minds many times a day, fostering fear, anger, stress, and depression. How different would your life be if these thoughts never bothered you again? The Work of Byron Katie is a process that clears the mind. It is a way to identify and question the thoughts that cause all the suffering and violence in the world. The Work is simply four questions and a turnaround, which is a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. It is so simple that anyone with an open mind can do it. This process works. It is radical, and life-changing.

The Work is used by leading-edge business leaders, mental health practitioners, coaches, educators, and by millions of people around the world, as a way to move from confusion to clarity. Practicing this simple process of self-inquiry, people who have spent years dealing with stress, fear, anxiety, and depression experience a profound shift in consciousness, a deep sense of inner peace, and the ability to approach problems with a clear mind.

“My partner doesn’t listen to me.”

“My children are disobedient.”

“I hate my job.”

“My life would be better if…”

Come learn a simple way to clear your mind and move from fear to freedom, from anger to joy, and from confusion to clarity. All you need is an an open mind, pen and paper.

  Come learn this simple, radical, and life-changing process of inquiry.

During this 4-hour workshop, you will:

- Learn to identify and question your stressful thinking.
- Learn to let go of concepts that are limiting you

- Experience how you live your life when you believe thoughts that are not true for you.

- Discover new possibilities and different perspectives.

- Learn how to facilitate yourself and others using The Work’s four questions and turnarounds.
- Realize what is true for you, and take home a powerful tool that can help you live with clarity and integrity.

About Sue Lee:

Sue Lee was a certified Holistic Health Counselor and a Licensed Bodyworker living in the state of California, USA before moving back to Malaysia in year 2004.  She is a Licensed Facilitator for The Work of Byron Katie, certified by the Institute of The Work to share the work with people and to serves as a mentor to facilitators in training.  She believes that true freedom and joy is an internal process.  By working with our limiting thoughts, the projected outside world will come closer in matching our true nature which is love and truth.

To book your seat: booking@elainegrundy.com
Date: Saturday 31 Oct, 9am-1pm
Venue: 282D River Valley Rd
Fee: S$160

Looking at Solution Focused Coaching!

I’ve just completed part 1 of the Solution Focus coaching certification run by the Academy of Solution Focused Training and I LOVE the concepts. I have been using them at home and on unsuspecting passer-bys with great success!  The general idea is extremely simple: to start with the end in mind.  Is that a massive revelation to you?  Probably not very earth shattering, but if done very specifically, it is amazing how many of your problems disappear when you start to shine the torch on what you want, as opposed to what you DON’T want.

This is Law of Attraction at its finest, which is another reason I love this type of coaching, it refocuses you on what is working, and pretty much ignores what is not working.  It’s not what we’re used to, and not what feels particularly natural, but when you persevere, its remarkable the results that fall out of this type of enquiry.  Take my daughter for example, she’s 5 years old and terrified of bedtimes – she has bad dreams.  So every night she lies with me and panics about all the bad dreams, monsters, and horrid lurking things about to attack her, obviously not a very good way to get to sleep!  She is 100% focused on what she doesn’t want, her language says it all “I don’t want to go to sleep cos I’ll have bad dreams”. I don’t like bedtime because I’ll have bad dreams”, I don’t want to have bad dreams anymore!”  Is all I get when I use general questions on her like ‘what’s the matter?’, ‘what’s the problem’, ‘what do you want?’. 

So with my Solution Focus hat on I ask her the Goal-focused question which is ‘what do you want instead?’  She pauses and then says, “I want to dream about Princesses!”  ‘What else?’ I ask her, “Fairies!  And rainbows, and flowers, and unicorns…”  And so we go on, and very soon she is fast asleep with a big smile on her face. 

So simple = too simple?  Try it on anything, any problem you are struggling with, ask yourself these few easy questions:

1.   What do you want instead?

2.   How will you know when you have what you want?

3.   How will things be different for you?

4.   What actions will you be taking that you are not taking at the moment?

Here’s a recent example from a client of mine:

Problem “I look at things so negatively, I always start to worry about things that haven’t even happened yet and probably won’t, it’s so draining -  I can’t sleep at night, I want to stop all this!  I don’t want to worry anymore.”

1.   What do you want instead?

I want to be happy; I want to be positive about life.

2.   How will you know when you have what you want?

I’ll wake up after a good night’s sleep with a smile on my face, I’ll look forward to getting out of bed and starting my day, I’ll be excited about my day and what I have to do.  I’ll feel enthusiastic but peaceful.

3.   How will things be different for you and your loved ones around you?

Oh that’s easy, I’d be much more pleasant to be with!  I’d be smiling more and have more time for my family, more time for myself, at the moment I just lurch from crisis to crisis.  I’d be calm, more focused – the smiling is a big one!

4.   What actions will you be taking that you are not taking at the moment?

I’d definitely be taking better care of myself, my diet and probably doing more exercise – that always makes me feel great.  I’ll have all my tasks organized so that I know what I have to do in the day instead of muddling through like I do at the moment, I’d probably actually have a planned schedule instead of this chaotic mess I have right now!  I’d make sure I have some treats planned in my week to look forward to, like a spa treat or meeting friends for lunch – that’s an obvious thing that would start my day well….

Amazing, just by gaining more clarity on what you actually want, the steps for getting there also become really clear.  After all, we all know what we need to be doing; we just get distracted by shining the torch in the wrong direction, often missing the obvious solutions sitting right under our noses.

Why are you Remarkable?

I went to a wonderful talk by Natasha Golding, of PrettySmart and although she was talking about Websites, her nuggets are worth noting for anything we do and stand for.  Her three questions can form the basis of any self-enquiry whether it be on 'how do I market my business' to 'what is my Life Purpose?'

The key is in beginning with your authenticity.  Who are you, and how are you remarkable?  This is the first question and basically asks you to think about your talents and gifts - what makes you who you are, and when people meet you, how would they 'remark' about you to others?  What are the things that other people say about you that make you stand out in their mind?

For example, there are many Reiki Masters in Singapore but I feel I am remarkable in that I offer a down to earth version of Reiki which is very accessible to people entering the 'holistic' field for the first time.  I offer an approach that allows for a great deal of flexibility and for people to choose how best to incorporate Reiki into their existing lifestyle without demanding any rigidity of thinking, beliefs or lifestyle changes.  Having identified this as my 'remark'able asset I know that in all my communications, my blogging, my website, my talks I need to reinforce this and have it obviously show up in everything I do.  In this way, people often comment that what they read on this website is exactly what they get when they meet me, and that to me is a success!

So the first wonderful question to ponder is "What do you do, and how is it Remarkable?"  Natasha says this inspired question comes from Seth Goldin, marketing guru and avid author of many books with strange titles.

The second great question is "Who do you do it for?"  The question of your ideal client (which is also echoed in great books like Michael Port's 'Book Yourself Solid' and Smith and Assaraf 'The Answer') is a much deeper question than it first appears.  Often we think that any client is good, as long as they pay the bills, and even the bad bill payers are better than nothing.  Actually if we look at the amount of time we spend on our bottom 20% of clients we'll notice that the energy we put into our non-ideal clients actually stop us from servicing our ideal clients properly.  This is the case in everything we do.  When I was training and even sometimes in my Reiki talks, I would find myself focusing on the skeptics or the people who seemed the least interested in what I was saying, and it was both exhausting and demoralizing.  Once I found ways to refocus on those who found what I was saying relevant and of value, I found it much more satisfying for me, and for them.  The skeptics would always be skeptics, the disinterested would always be disinterested - no matter how much energy I poured their way!  Once you figure out who your ideal client is, it is much easier to attract them and also much easier to release those clients who are not serving you (believe me, if they are not serving you, you are also not serving them).  This is not only a business gem by the way, I modify this question to attract my perfect friends, interactions and colleagues too!

The final question is "Why do you do what you do?"  As I said, these questions can really be used for anything - including Life Purpose.  Why do you do what you do?  Is it just for the money?  Is it simply a means to an end?  Are you treading water, waiting?  Or do you have a deep and meaningful reason that drives you out of bed every morning?  Find the underlying driving force for what you do and you will find both your motivation, and your life's work.  Honestly, I do what I do because I get to experience the phenomenal power of human spirit every day.  I watch in awe as people transform their lives, their beliefs, their illness.  I get to applaud as people remember themselves, their life's passion and their inner courage.  Its awesome and I do it for purely selfish reasons!

Rupert Sheldrake – The Extended Mind

I have been recommended Rupert Sheldrake by two separate friends in the past month so thought I better check him out – wow! This guy rocks!  It’s long but very well worth it, fascinating.

Can you tell if someone is looking at you? In the Amsterdam Science Museum – over 20,000 people have participated in an experiment to see if they can tell if someone is looking at their back. Results are significant, you CAN affect people simply by looking at them, people in the security industry take this for granted, so why is it so hard for the scientific community to accept.

Because the scientific community believes that everything happens in the mind, therefore what we see is actually an image created by the mind, and not an outward projection. Sheldrake’s theory is the obvious one, that we are not seeing the world as a huge image in our mind, but we are reaching outward with our energy and interpreting the world through our senses – an outward extension of our mind and not just inside the brain.

The extended mind model
Take a flock of Starlings, movements are so fine-tuned they never bump into each other and cannot be explained by individuals watching out for each other but rather by each bird being connected to a larger energy fields – emergent fields that depend on each other and are formed by each individual but also the entire group. Sheldrake believes that all packs and groups of higher animals have this ability.

He also believes that telepathy is a normal and not paranormal effect of the mind’s ability to reach outside of the body. He has some fascinating experimental evidence on dogs and their masters and Mothers and their babies. Many of us have had this experience, especially as parents and our ability to ‘sense’ when we are needed. We often talk of ‘telephone telepathy’ where you think of a person and they call instantly or you can tell who it is before you pick up the phone. It seems the closer you are to them emotionally, the more connected and accurate you are. Is this a surprise? Not really as it is a normal phenomenon – but for some reason, it is dismissed by the scientific community as it doesn’t fit in with their ‘mechanical’ view of the way the human body works.

Time for a change?
What is so fascinating is that Sheldrake’s theories are taking on mass, public debate and involvement, it also begs the question, as one field of energy, can we affect the course of our history? If we are all connected and can influence each other, if we can move and form like a flock of Starlings, then is there hope for us to all move towards a better future?

For more info and lots of experimental results www.sheldrake.org. Also some fun ideas for school projects

Love and Relationships by Katie Byron

This is a section of Katie's Feb 'Valentine's newsletter, the woman is a treasure - take the time to read what Stephen, her partner, has to say about their first meeting - wonderful! http://www.byronkatie.com/newsletter_fe09.html

If you say that you love your husband, what does that have to do with him?

You're just telling him who you are. You tell the story of how he's handsome and fascinating and sexy, and you love your story about him. You're projecting that he's your story. And then when he doesn't give you what you want, you may tell the story of how he's mean, he's controlling, he's selfish—and what does that have to do with him? If my husband says, "I adore you," I think, "Good. I love that he thinks I'm his sweet dream. How happy he must feel about that!"

If he were ever to come to me and say, "The sorriest day of my life was when I married you," still, what would that have to do with me? He'd just be in a sad dream this time, and I might think, "Oh poor baby, he's having a nightmare. I hope he wakes up soon." It's not personal. How can it have anything to do with me? I love him, and if what he says about me isn't true in my experience, I would ask him if there's anything I can do for him. If I can do it, I will, and if it's not honest for me, I won't. He is left with his story. No one will ever understand you. Realizing this is freedom. No one will ever understand you—not once, not ever. Even at our most understanding, we can only understand our story of who you are. There's no understanding here except your own. If you don't love another person, it hurts, because love is your very self. You can't make yourself do it.

But when you come to love yourself, you automatically love the other person. It's not a choice. Just as you can't make yourself love us, you can't make yourself not love us. Husbands, wives, lovers—all a projection of mind. When you truly love someone, a thought like "You should love me" brings laughter to your heart. Can you hear the arrogance of that thought? "I don't care whom you want to love. You should love me, and I'll even trick you into it if need be, or at least I'll try to, out of my self-deluded head." This is the opposite of love.

If I think my husband should love me, I'm insane. Whose business is it whom he loves? His, of course. The turnarounds show me the way toward what is truer to my heart: I should love me, and I should love him. Let him love whomever he loves—he's going to anyway. The story of whom someone should love keeps me from the awareness that I am what I'm seeking. It's not his job to love me—it's mine.

Universal Healing Tao Course

Awaken the Healing Light of the Tao

The Universal Tao, also known as Tao Yoga, was founded by  Master Mantak Chia, a Thai of Chinese parents. The author of numerous books on the subject, he is the first to initiate those in the West to the ancient methods of Taoist inner alchemy  which integrates body, mind and spirit.  He has trained thousands of Universal Tao Instructors who teach this system all around the world.

Universal Tao is a practical system of self-development which enables the individual to complete the harmonious evolution of the body, mind, and spirit.  It is not related to any religion. Through a series of ancient Chinese meditative and internal energy exercises, the practitioner learns to increase physical energy, release tension, improve health, and gain the ability to help oneself and others.

Tao Yoga - Basic Course

The Inner Smile – a powerful relaxing technique. By learning to smile inwardly to the organs and glands, the whole body will feel loved and appreciated.  Stress and tension will be counteracted, the flow of Chi increased and  negative emotions  will be transformed into positive thoughts, creating vitality.

The Six Healing Sounds - to clean, cool and regenerate the principle organs and help to improve the energy flow within them, enhancing their performance.  Vital to those practising  meditation, martial arts or sports in which there is a tendency to build excessive heat in the system.

The Microcosmic Orbit - the key principle of the Tao.  By increasing the energy flow through the two main meridians we eliminate blockages and improve life-force, thereby building inner strength and vitality Opening the 3 Tan Tiens to the 6 Directions - which lets us connect with the forces of nature, refine and replenish our inner energy, promoting good health and encouraging harmony.

Healing Love - Advanced Course 

Seminal and Ovarian Kung Fu - the conservation and transformation of sexual energy for spiritual development.  We will explore ancient techniques of cultivating male and female sexual energy for health, healing and harmonious sexual relations.  These techniques (which can be practised solo or with a partner) help alleviate sexual problems, difficulties with menstrual cycles and symptoms associated with menopause.

Iron Shirt Chi Kung 1 – a powerful system of standing meditation which develops our rooting ability, incorporating simple breathing exercises which build our immune system. With regular practice, Iron Shirt training roots the body to the Earth, strengthens the vital organs, changes the tendons, cleanses the bone marrow, and creates a reserve of pure Chi energy.  As the internal structure is strengthened, the problems of poor posture and circulation of energy are corrected.

 Prerequisite:  Tao Yoga – Basic Course.

About the Instructor: Jorva Hamilton

Jorva was born in Xiamen, China, and moved to Hong Kong in 1949.  She has enjoyed a full professional life (government servant, administrator, company director) and personal life (husband, daughter, two sons and 7 grand-children) and has lived and worked in a number of different countries.  Her early interest in yoga and meditation blossomed in the 1980's to include Life Dynamics, Tai Chi, acupressure, and herbal medicine.

In the late 1980's, Jorva's mother was suffering from a lingering illness which encouraged Jorva in her search for a better way of living, and health.  She began an active interest in Reiki in 1992 which on moving to Portugal she advanced; bringing in Reiki Masters, organising seminars, spreading the word, until she herself became a Reiki Master in 1997.

Jorva's interest in Universal Healing Tao developed through a meeting with Master Mantak Chia in Singapore in 1998.  Jorva has since studied the Universal Tao system as taught by Master Chia in Singapore, Portugal, and at the Tao Garden in Northern Thailand.  She is a qualified Universal Tao instructor who now travels extensively and teaches both Reiki, and Tao Yoga, in Portugal, Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia.

Jorva is in Singapore to teach both Basic and Advanced, 28-29th March and 4-5th April 2009

282D River Valley Rd
For enquiries and bookings booking@elainegrundy.com
10% discount Early Bird, before 9th March
Usual price $350 Basic, $350 Advanced (further 10% discount if both are booked together)

Dr John Demartini on Values

Dr. Demartini is probably best known for his apperance on 'The Secret' and was in town for a talk and workshop.  While I didn't make the workshop, I was very pleased to be at the talk.  Its not so much that the things he was saying were earth shatteringly new, but his way of articulating an old and wise message was refreshing, namely:

 

Do what you love to do.

 

Such a simply message, yet how many of us actually do it?  He recounted a story of a mother who had brought her son to one of his workshops and wanted Demartini to 'change' him because he was a 'problem child'.  As Demartini told the story, it became clear that this boy was extremely talented in one thing - gameboy!  In Demartini's philosophy, this was the boy's gift and his passion - as a result, turning the boy's academic focus around was not a matter of pushing him harder to do something he found boring or pointless, but allowing the boy to see how his studies would help him become better at his passion, ie becoming even better at gameboy!

 

It was a great story as it highlighted not only society's prejudices ie. studying = good, gameboy = bad, but also our love of labelling people because they do not see the same value in the things we see value in.  A child who doesn't see the value in studying does not want to study - pretty obvious!  But in shifting the perception for the child, and aligning it to his passion, now he can become self-motivating and now change can happen.

 

I also loved his other main message which was this - we ALL have unique and wonderful talents, but we can't ALL be millionaries or CEOs of top 100 companies (and do we really want that anyway?).  Rose Kennedy's vision for herself was "I dedicate my life to raising a family of world leaders".

 

I love that!

Twee Merrigan on listening to your body, NOT your Teacher/Doctor/Guru

I had the opportunity to work with Twee during a weekend long workshop afew weeks ago at Pure Yoga.  Despite all my years teaching Reiki in a non-doctrine, non-judgmental way I am still such a student in the art of trusting and learning from your own inner guidance system, especially when faced with other 'expert' opinions.

Its natural that we have this issue - from birth we have been scheduled, guided, programmed - when to eat, when to sleep, what to eat, when to get up to go to school/work, what to do at school/work, how to study, how to work, how to get ahead, how to exercise, how to eat healthily, blah blah...  Just take a look at the bookstore and you'll see what I mean!  Twee's form of Yoga is totally the opposite to anything I have experienced before.  She teaches that we all have an innate sense of rightness for our individual needs, some postures are no good for our body, others are wonderfully invigorating - but no person is the same, so no yoga practice should be the same.  Oooh!  I LOVE that!  how many times have I peeked at my neighbour and thought 'Jeez, I'm so stiff, how come I can't do that!'  Now when I do yoga I really feel my body and when it feels forced or uncomfortable I either change the pose or stop it all together - I could not have done that afew weeks ago as I would have been too concerned about what my teacher might have said.  In other words, I was taking my teacher's knowledge as more important, more 'right' than my own experience and truth of the situation.  Duh!

My youngest, who is just 4, is still so true to herself, she dislikes school because "they are always bossing me about and telling me what to do, they don't let me colour when I want to".  Simple, yet profound!  Unfortunately we have a way to go before we can choose to wake up when we want, go to work when we want - but we have total choice in eating what we want, and developing our body and soul how we want.

Since I have begun truly listening to my body and my soul I have noticed that it is actually all there already.  I have started experimenting with Ayurvedic cooking and I am amazed at how I can look at a certain fruit or veggie and ask my body "Do I want this?"  and boom - the answer is clear as day - Yes or no.  Amazing!  I've even managed to kick my chocolate habit as I ask my body "do I want this?" (whilst staring longingly at a Mars bar :)) and the answer, incredibly, comes back "No, but I would like something soothing and sweet and fresh"  so then I eat a mango instead, and feel infinitely better!

The same application can be used in any situation.  Instead of following anyone else's' doctrine, how about testing it against your own level of rightness?  This is particularly true of anyone who says "this is right, that is wrong" about ANYTHING!  In Reiki I came to see this many years ago and am still bemused by teachers who teach their own belief and doctrine as 'truth'.  Their truth, absolutely, but not necessarily yours.

More about Twee Merrigan here: http://www.tweeyoga.com/