Archive for the ‘Personal Growth’ Category
Writing your ideal scene is a fantastic way to focus on what your priorities are, as well as giving you a guiding light to navigate your way through the turmoil this year will bring. It is a way to keep yourself grounded, forward-looking, and living with authenticity.
Over the years I have seen the most incredible changes take place in my life in just one year, and obviously as those incredible years shape into a decade, its a big deal!
Your ideal scene does not have to be full of lofty ideals, though it can be. Nor does it need to be ambitious or full of targets and goals, through again, more power to you if that’s what you want! I have found each year to be different; when I first began writing them back in 2005, I was so far from my ‘ideal’ that it was indeed full of fantastic goals and dreams (all of which came true). As the years have gone on, I have had less external goals and dreams and more internal wishes for presence, patience, and inner peace – partly due to many of my external dreams having already come true!
My suggestion to you is to get yourself ‘in the mood’ first – the higher your vibration when you write, the better. Every month when we complete our Reiki Share we close with an intention circle, over the years the group has seen incredible success with our intentions, and I am sure it is because we are all in such a high energy state as we sit together and share our dreams and aspirations. Our thoughts and wishes zoom into the universe with such light and love surrounding it, its really a done deal!
If you are doing this on your own and you have Reiki, it would be fantastic to do a self-treatment first before you start. Otherwise try meditation, yoga, dancing – whatever puts you in a happy state, a place where you are more flowing, more expansive and more optimistic than you would normally be. The bigger you can dream the better!
Law of Attraction is really about setting authentic intentions, and then moving towards them. I remember years ago listening to Dr. Phil talk about his mother and the fact that he cannot remember one moment where she raised her voice at him in all the years he lived with her. At the time I was stunned, it had never occurred to me that, as a mother, I could also have such a lofty ideal. Over the years I have striven (and struggled) to temper my tone with my children and have always had something loving to say about our relationship in all my ideal scenes. Over the years I have also seen myself improve and my tone soften to the point that this year I feel ready to stop shouting altogether. I simply no longer see the benefit or point. Still, its a massive ask as its been a parenting skill passed down through many generations! But that is the point of ideal scenes – to stretch yourself into new territory that you otherwise would not have thought possible.
Its important to remember though, that ideal scenes do not create themselves. Once you write them, be sure that you believe in them, and you believe in yourself. Write about things you truly care about, that you are committed to, and that make your heart sing. If you want a salary raise to get your partner off your back, or you want a better relationship with your parents because you feel guilty, then trust me, you will not have the motivation to make the changes in your habits to make it work. Better to focus on areas of your life that you know will make a real difference to you, not to those around you.
I hope this helps make this the best year for you ever!
For an explanation of how to write your Ideal scene, please see my earlier post.
As a rather energetically sensitive person, I have to say that there is definitely some pretty weird stuff happening on an energy level that is manifesting both on a global and personal level for many of my clients, friends and loved ones. Although I don’t buy into the whole ‘end of the world’ talk, in my mind there is definitely something going on. Many people I admire, many fellow colleagues, and in general the entire ‘light working’ industry seems to concur that at a very deep level, our consciousness is shifting on a monumental scale.
Apart from the natural disasters and the banking and economic crisis, the world is also seeing unprecedented levels of co-operation. Businesses are taking much more seriously the prospect of being ethically honest and making profits; they are no longer counter-intuitive. Making money out of another’s misery (although still rampant) is no longer justifiable. People seem to be more concerned with quality rather than quantity. And from a personal level, people are being pulled to make enormous corrections if they are not ‘on the right path.’
With social networking and the pulling of the world into increasingly better connected and global citizens, this pressure to be in the flow and authentically aligned with one’s life path is going to become increasingly important.
In my Reiki practice I am seeing many more clients suffering from what could be termed the ‘dark night of the soul’ whereby people are being called to witness their own lives with greater clarity. Although this may be very sub-conscious, there is a deep feeling of unrest and unease that something is ‘just not right’. It may feel like great stress, depression or bleakness and an increase in acts such as eating junk, watching mindless TV, internet surfing, drinking, gossip or any activity that is trying to dull or medicate the internal feelings. Its important to note that this is not going to help!
2012 is going to be a very strong opportunity to shift thinking and align with your higher truth. It is also going to be extremely uncomfortable for you if you don’t. The energy is moving and flowing at such a rate that if you are not willing to let go of outmoded and unhelpful habits and directions in life, you are going to find it increasingly difficult to resist. Resistance will begin to take on more drastic consequences such as accidents, illness, and increased pain. Although unpleasant, it is also a fantastic opportunity for growth; moving into flow will reward you with much higher energy as you tap into this shift and move with it.
Pay attention next year to what makes your heart sing, and what creates more stress or fear in your life. You are being supported on an energetic level like never before to make changes and step up. Even minor small steps will ripple out to big changes. You will feel great relief in just changing a few niggling resistances, cleaning up clutter, shifting small but unhealthy habits…small small things will manifest into big big things simply because all flow is being amplified. Just remember the mantra ‘stay true, stay true’ and if you have no idea what ‘true’ means for you simply check into yourself – is this activity, thought or desire bringing more peace or stress into my life?
In other words, if you are not having fun at the moment it is seriously time to throw off the limitations you are placing on yourself and get real – if you don’t, well, frankly you are going to get increasingly large slaps in the face until you do
Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
I recently lost my voice, totally, and what a blessing it
was! It came at the tail end of a short
but sharp cold and it threw me into fits of coughing every time I opened my
mouth. So for 2 days I could only whisper,
but it was far more comfortable to just shut up and watch the world go by.
What surprised me was the lovely freedom that came with
it. For 2 days I couldn’t call anyone, I
couldn’t bark instructions at my children, couldn’t plan anything with my
husband, couldn’t discuss, complain, direct, defend, authorize, gossip. The pure joy of it! It was so peaceful!
My children would wonder the corridors in our home shouting
at the tops of their voices, and I realized I would normally be shouting
louder, just to be heard. Yet now they
had to come and find me, I could just carry on doing whatever I was doing until
they did – no stress, just doing whatever it was I was doing. Question to self: Why don’t I do this all the time? Why do I feel I need to yell out my location
every time I am called?
My children experienced the same liberation, instead of the
constant stream of instructions coming out of my mouth – eat your breakfast,
brush your hair, brush your teeth, stop hitting your sister, hurry up, the bus
is coming, brush your teeth! Come
on! Shoes on, shoes on, bag, BAG, lift
is here, come on, come on! We’re LATE,
COME ON! – Which is the usual commentary in our morning household, there was a
quiet and gentle presence as I cajoled, herded and waved my arms in an
altogether calmer and quieter manner. I
had to be very present and constantly by their sides so they could see me as
opposed to yelling at them from the other room whilst multi-tasking – it was a
MUCH better experience! Amazingly we
didn’t miss the bus, we didn’t rush (any more than normal!), and we got
everything done we needed to do without the shouting and panic. Big note to self.
The final observation was how lovely it was to not have the
constant thinking of what to say going round my head. This was a surprise to me, I am constantly
thinking about what I should be saying next – it doesn’t just come out of my
mouth in a stream, I have to first formulate the need to talk, then formulate
the thoughts I want to communicate (and what is freaky is that my mind’s
resting state is pretty empty – I actually spend energy making thoughts up!),
then think about how I want to phrase it, then actually deliver it. What an exhausting process! When I was mute, what amazed me was how
little I needed to say, it was so nice not to have to think about it, I could
just let the world be without the constant need to provide a commentary. Bliss!
Now my voice is pretty much recovered, the stream has
strengthened back to a river, the commentary is comfortably back in place, but
I am hoping it is a little less forced, a little less self-conscious, and a
little more meaningful.
Everything happens for a reason! Have you ever been ill and had a big ‘aha’
moment from it? Comment below!
Several years ago I was on a year long Law of Attraction course with Eva Gregory, Attraction Coach Extraordinaire. I learnt lots of fantastic tips from her and the rest of my year long coaches but my favourite is the ‘Ideal Scene’.
Its so simple and so effective. The first time I wrote this I was living in Long Island, New York. To be honest I wasn’t in a very good space mentally, physically or emotionally. I had spent the past 3 years at home with my two babies, and was exhausted, and certainly not in flow. It was a desperate lurch to get myself back into the groove and out of the funk I had allowed myself to sink into, so I had an ‘all or nothing’ approach to it, and with hindsight I think that’s why the first year was so phenomenal for me – I had a huge list of things I wanted to turn around including the continent I lived in, the work I was doing, my relationship with my kids, my husband, myself, my diet and well-being, my emotional state, my community….a pretty long list!
So I just went for it, I figured, I have nothing to loose – its only paper and ink
What you do is write the date a year ahead at the top of the page, ie Jan 1st 2010, then you begin “What an incredible year its been!…” or something similar. Then you write about all the different aspects of your life that you would like to see change, it could be your ‘perfect home’, your ‘perfect relationship’ or your ‘perfect job’ and ideally should cover all aspects of your life that are important to you – run into several pages and make it as rich and juicy and exciting as you dare!
Here’s the synopsis of how much stretch I put into mine: (bear in mind I was living in the USA at the time I wrote this and we were settled in a home we owned, my husband was working for a multi-national, and Singapore was nowhere near our discussion list, neither was leaving the US)
1. I wanted to live in Singapore
2. I wanted to celebrate my 40th birthday in Bali with ALL my family, and siblings
3. I wanted to be teaching regularly again
4. I wanted to be doing something worthwhile with my brain again
5. and a whole bunch of personal emotional and relationship balance stuff.
In one year, I achieved all that. Some aspects were different to what I had imagined, and some took slightly more than a year to actualize, but in all cases I saw massive progress. So you can see why I now do this every year!
I think part of the magic is in focusing yourself on what you want, and being honest about what aspects of your life are far from ideal. For example, if you write ‘I had a wonderfully nurturing year with my husband and our relationship just grows from strength to strength’ and you choke on your tea as you write this – then you know you have some work in this area! The same goes for anything you write, ‘my job fulfills and excites me, I created so much value this year with my projects and connections with my team that my boss gave me a substantial raise! I can’t wait to see what this year holds for me’…etc. Just go for it, whatever makes you excited, passionate, whatever would make you deeply fulfilled and happy, get it all down on paper and create some energy around it.
Eva asked us to be very specific, eg, my boss gave me a raise of $20,000! but I have to say that personally I find such specifics limiting, I prefer words like ‘huge’ or ‘substantial’ or ‘bigger than I could imagine!’ I also focus more on the kind of feelings I want, rather than the type of ‘behaviour’ I want, eg. I would prefer to write “my children and I continue to develop a loving and fulfilling relationship based on deep respect for each other” as it helps to be my guiding light – when I am shouting at my kids to ‘hurry up’ I can do a quick check, is this ‘loving’ or ‘fulfilling’ or ‘respectful’? This is much more effective at changing behaviour then writing ‘my children are incredible, they are so polite and obedient all the time’ which sort of sets you up for failure right there and then
Once you have your Ideal Scene,then just move towards it, one step at a time, you’ll be amazed at what you can achieve in a year!
We in the self-development field have to be extra vigilant that we don’t replace one rigid
belief system, with another. In our
search for more peace, more happiness, we are programmed and trained to look outside
of ourselves. We look to our parents, to
our friends, to our education, our job, our governments, our country, our
communities…the trick is, of course, to look within, at ourselves. But even for those of us who know and
understand this, DOing it is a completely different thing….
friend came to me in a quandary; she has been working very consciously on
building healthy boundaries between herself and her husband. Their relationship in the past has been
rather one sided (he dictates, she obeys).
Obviously as the shift to a more equal partnership has taken place,
there has been much kicking and screaming as both sides have had to adjust to
the ‘new’ style of relationship. She is
much happier, though he possibly isn’t, but he’s getting used to it and seeing
other benefits (namely a much happier and friendlier wife!). Throughout this process I have been coaching
her to continue her search for inner peace within, and not let outside
influences affect her so much – the number one job for all of us.
Her quandary came about one evening when she was feeling a bit fearful of the future, of
what that might hold for them and their family.
Her Husband told her that she ‘wasn’t allowed’ to feel down and
depressed as that was his job (to be the worrier). Her job was to be the rock, the positive and
optimistic one. Well, that sent her into
a right little mood! She came to me
complaining and upset “why do I always have to be the rock, why can’t he
support me when I’m feeling down, it’s always on my shoulders to be responsible
for everyone else’s happiness”. Fair
points, all of them – why should she?
Well the point, of course, is that she doesn’t have to do any of these
things. Her stress is coming from the
thought “I have to do/be… this that the other”.
She had already analyzed the situation “he’s crossing my boundaries again, he’s
using me and sucking my energy dry – I can feel it! He’s hooking into my Solar Plexus! No wonder I’m exhausted all the time, he’s
using me like a vampire!” Ouch! Well, she had read all the right books! Coaching 101 around Boundaries, Brennan on
Energy Vampires, Myss on Chakras….but did it really matter that she had all the
correct language for the ‘New Age Self Developed Woman’? No, not really. At the end of the day, she was still looking
outside herself to blame and label and excuse.
Essentially the question is, “Do you WANT to feel down and depressed because of your fear?” Of course not! She said with a start. “So why”, I asked, “are you blaming your
husband for stating a fact and highlighting to you your negative behavior?” If you want to feel depressed than do so, but
please don’t blame your husband for pointing it out.
how freeing to truly own your own mood!
How delicious to be honest and brave enough to say “Thank you husband
darling for pointing out my negative behavior!
I have told you many times before that I am striving for more peace and
happiness in my life and you are highlighting my actions and my thoughts to me
whenever I deviate from my course…Thank you!!”
who you want to be in this world, then be it.
And thank graciously and genuinely anyone who is helping you stay on
I’ve just completed a weekend at the Holistic Fair, so fascinating to trial the different treatments and listen to people talk about their own experiences with different courses and techniques. I almost signed up for several courses, BlahBlah technique, Personal growth this, Meditation that. I stopped myself and took a deep breath, just wait till the end of the week, I thought. By Monday I was laughing at myself of course, all desire to go ‘learn more stuff’ evaporated overnight as I descended quietly back into my truth, back into my wisdom.
Yes, I am a recovering Seminar Junkie!
I have spent over 2 decades chasing the key to enlightenment, I have been through more phases and fads than most people have had hot dinners. Every ‘hot new thing’ is greeted by rolling eyeballs from my long suffering husband as he once again has to take cover from the inevitable fall out as I detox this and ‘let go’ of that. Of course some of it sticks, but most of it doesn’t. And because of that, I continue the search.
Last year I had a mini-enlightenment experience. It was very cool. I saw myself as I truly was, and I saw others for what they really were – it was a phenomenally beautiful experience, albeit just a glimpse. But this knowingness has stayed with me, the realization that all I need to do is surrender. It really is as the Masters say, simply be, simply relax, simply trust. All that we are is within us; there is nothing “out there” to help us, so stop cluttering up your mind with all this nonsense!
As a Reiki teacher and coach, this is a kind of bizarre thing to say – essentially I am saying that all you need to do to attain bliss, happiness and joy is to surrender to what is, surrender to the present moment, and you will see it is here all along. What I am saying is that you don’t need me, or any other ‘expert’ to teach you, coach you, tell you what to do. Everything you need is already inside you. Just stop for a minute, and you’ll see.
Panic, chaos, fear, hands in head, tears, “Hell on Earth”…these are the images bombarding us daily in the media since the “Crisis of 2008” began at the end of September. Trillions of dollars have been lost, some of my banker friends have turned completely grey in a week, others that thought they were retiring with millions now only have half the millions they thought they had. These are the energies circulating our planet at the moment, and our response to them will dictate how we feel. We can join the fear, or we can check in with ourselves, in the present moment, how are we doing?
Personally I am sitting in my yoga studio with gentle music flowing, sitting in a very comfortable seat, tapping away on my little computer which I just adore, and looking forward to Hatha! So, personally, right now, I am just fine. How about you?
All Spiritual teachers have the same message – there IS ONLY NOW. There is the mind’s concept of past, and the mind’s concept of the future, but in terms of where we are living, where we are feeling, and where we are being, there is only now. Maybe you are deeply affected by this crisis, maybe you too have lost millions, maybe your home is about to be repossessed because you can’t meet your mortgage payments, maybe you have lost your job. These are all the things that are happening to you right now. But how are you? Inside, check, are you still here? Are you still with us? Do you still have your senses; can you still feel the vibration of love that permeates the universe with every breath? Probably not! That is not because it is not there; it is because you believe your mind when your mind says “I can’t be happy right now! I have lost my money/job/home”, “It is not a time to be happy, it is a time to be in panic/fear/anger/remorse/grief”. But is that true?
For the longest time, I read that all we had was ‘now’ and I just couldn’t “get it”. I would think, “yes, of course I am fine now, but I might not be fine in the future!” or I would think “Yes, I am fine now, but if I loose this or that, then I definitely wouldn’t be fine!” There is a great video of Byron Katie using enquiry on a woman scared of terrible things in her future, I think many of us may feel like her right now. It’s also obvious she cannot grasp what Katie is saying, her mind has such a strong hold over her truth, she cannot trust the feelings in her own body, she cannot trust the absolute truth of what is being said to her. Right now, each and every one of us is fine. And that is where our happiness is.
I’d like to tell you a story of an extraordinary woman, Hattie Hasan. I met her in London in 2006 at a workshop I was attending. During the workshop the facilitator asked her to tell us about her goal. She spoke very passionately about how she was a plumber and wanted to train up other women to be plumbers and how she wanted to grow and run the largest women-only plumbing company in England. We all applauded and thought ‘wow, cool goal’. The facilitator then paused, looked at her and asked, ‘Yes, but what is your TRUE goal, what else is there inside of you, what else is in you that is bigger than you, what you are here to do?’
Well, you could hear a pin drop. Hattie stood for about 30 seconds and then she said ‘I’m a plumber, I work with water every day, yet every day millions of people in the world have no access to water, and millions of people in the world don’t have access to running, clean water. To me it’s simply UNACCEPTABLE. What I want to do is ensure every household in the world has access to clean, safe water. That’s my true goal, that’s what’s really inside me.’
The hall erupted into a standing ovation, the emotion was amazing. It was in that moment that I saw for myself the power of dreaming, and not only dreaming inside of ourselves and our immediate lives, but dreaming beyond yourself to your bigger purpose.
Since that day, Hattie’s life was transformed in ways she could have never imagined. She now runs a company called Extraordinary Balls and raised UKP50,000 for Charity at her inaugural ball in the UK last year. She and her team are now in the process of launching global balls all over the world this year and will be raising hundreds of thousands of dollars to help eradicate poverty and water shortage.
The power of Dreams!
I often reflect on that amazing moment with Hattie and wonder, where would she be now, what would she be doing now if she hadn’t got up in front of all those people and stated her bigger goal? My guess is she would still be a plumber, and still be thinking ‘I’ll give my money to charity, once I make some.’ Luckily for her, she woke up and took action, and now she’s living her dream, contributing and making a massive difference in the world.
So over to you, what dream do you have? Do you have a burning desire, a ‘when I retire I’ll do…’
Whether you dream of taking a cruise to the Caribbean, climbing Mt Everest, writing a book, or simply spending more time with your family – our Dreams are an important indicator of what we’re here to do. We’re here to realize our potential, to stretch and challenge ourselves.
New can be uncomfortable, charting new waters is always uncomfortable. There is a great saying, “the only difference between fear and excitement is our breath, when we are fearful: we hold it.”
Anything you can dream about you can do, or it wouldn’t be a dream. If you don’t have a gift for music, you wouldn’t dream of being a great opera singer. If you don’t have a gift for climbing, you would never want to climb Everest. Your dreams are specific to you, and specific to your innate abilities. So be assured…whatever you Dream, you can do.
STEPS to take today:
1. Articulate your dream, what is it you want to achieve?
2. Uncover the legacy behind it, WHY do you want to achieve it?
3. Take the decision, why must you do it NOW?
4. Set a date, WHEN must you do this by?
5. Take the first step, what must I do today to take me one step closer?
Do these 5 simple steps, and you will be well on your way! Let the HOW unravel step by step and keep open to new possibilites. If you are very clear on the first two steps and you have made a conscious decision to DO it, and then you take action steps daily – it can't not happen!
To find out more about Elaine's Dreams Workshops please contact her for upcoming dates!
If someone is rude to you, are you rude in return? Do you believe in an eye for an eye, or do you believe in following your own inner guidance system? We all have different values and following other peoples’ beliefs instead of your own can cause considerable pain and unhappiness.
I recently gave a talk on Reiki and Stress and an encounter with a lady in the audience gave me food for thought. During my talk I was explaining the difference between our internal values and vision, and our limiting beliefs. She provided me with a brilliant example. Here is her story:
She is a Singaporean but spent much of her life abroad. When she came back several years ago, she experienced a big culture shock. She decided that the only way to really live happily is to try to ‘fit in’, when in Rome….. Her examples were mainly to do with courtesy, she seemed to feel that people here are not very courteous – they don’t acknowledge you, say thank you, say sorry when they bump into you etc. This perplexed her, but her reaction was to follow the crowd. So now she also does not acknowledge, does not say sorry, does not give thanks.
What was interesting about her story is that while she was telling it, she was obviously not very happy about who she had become. In order to become what she viewed as Singapore behavior’ she had lost sight of who she wanted to be. As you can imagine, her comments erupted a lot of heated discussion – not least from those who disagreed with her view of Singapore! My point here is not her actual belief, but how damaging that belief is to her happiness.
If we look at her internal values – she probably feels that being courteous, kind, giving thanks, and acknowledging people is very important. Certainly she feels that being acknowledged by others herself is very important.
Yet her limiting beliefs are:
1) Singaporeans are not courteous
2) People only deserve my acknowledgement if they acknowledge me first
3) In order to be happy I have to act like other people
In my eyes, and in yours I’m sure, all these beliefs are limiting because they are all inaccurate!
In being true to yourself, you need to decide how you are going to behave in this world – then behave like that, no matter what. We need to figure out our values, what is important to us and then make sure all our beliefs align up with that.
So if we were to review her beliefs, and align them with her values (to be courteous, to acknowledge others, to be kind), we could say:
1) people have their own ways of behaving
2) people deserve my acknowledgement
3) I am responsible for my own happiness
Notice that values are things that come from deep inside, they are not ‘needs’ from other people. They are ways we want to behave – no matter what others are doing. If you think your value is based on what others think about you, or how others behave around you, then you are muddling up values with needs. I might need people to approve of me, I might need people to acknowledge me – but that is not the same as how I will value and behave towards them, at all times.
Being true to yourself requires courage, and it may require letting go of people who disapprove. Asking them politely to let you do what you feel is right for you, and acknowledging that they would do it differently. Asking them to respect your values, and respecting theirs in return.
I still smile at people when they look grouchy – and 7out of 10 they smile back. 3 out of 10 they do not. Are those 3 people going to dictate the way I feel, and how I behave next time?
You know, I’ve been having a great month so far, so I was taken aback when on Tuesday my rosy world startedto fall apart. It started off with my sitter calling in sick and me with a pile of frustrated ‘to dos’, and sort of went down hill from there. Every day got progressively worse – my youngest decidedto start getting up at 5am, my eldest decidedshe was going to melt-down every day at 4pm till bedtime, my hubbie was away on business all week. It got SO bad I didn’t have time to watch my usual CSI fix…yes, THAT bad!!! I was ranting and raving at the kids, feeling terrible and disappointed in myself, and I couldn’t quite get a grip on what on earth was going on.
Then today, I got off an invigorating call with a wonderful group of colleagues; my children decided to play nice ALL day; its been wonderfully sunny so we were outside most of the afternoon and it suddenly hit me…..I was having a BRILLIANT day! And then it hit me even harder….I can’t actually control all this outside ‘stuff’ and how the kids decide to behave, and whether my sitter is well or ill, and and and…but it affects me so deeply that I am prepared to jump down everyone’s throats for it, when really all I need do is accept that some days are going to be really really tough, and just compose myself through it all. Call it ‘wisdom training’, if you like. After all, other days are going to be brilliant, and if we’re too caught up in how terrible everything is some of the time, we’ll miss all the good stuff most of the time.
I am extremely grateful for this day. And yes, I’m off to catch up on my CSI!