One of the most powerful awakenings from the
Byron Katie Work is the realization that my mind works so fast that there is
absolutely NO room for breath, space or consideration. The world happens, I react. Someone speaks, I respond, and then I am
already onto the next response before I have even heard their reply (especially
true in disagreements). This lack of
space to process what was going on was so disturbing to me – at first I had to
sit down after each exchange and write it all out – what did he say, what did I
say, like a dialogue script. Then I
would stare at it in disbelief, where was I when all this was going on? What was coming out of my mouth was totally
unconscious drivel, fear based, defense based, justification based – not an ounce
of wisdom, love, or kindness.
During the next phase I started noticing when I was asleep – like the mouth was moving but no one was at home, and then I immediately shut up (sometimes mid-sentence) and I wouldn’t answer until I had processed what they said and checked what was coming out. This slowed things down significantly. Interestingly children get this intuitively and really appreciate it, like they know you are listening (at last). Adults who are also asleep look at you like you are mentally incapacitated “come on!” they shout – mostly in their mind – “what do you want to say, spit it out!!” But I have learnt to ignore their impatience as I am sure they would prefer a measured, kind and wise response to defensive drivel. Afterall, is there really a time frame for a kind word?
Third stage, the mind learns how to create space around thoughts automatically and you speed up again, only slowing down when you feel the emotions rising. The emotions are such an incredible barometer of authenticity. You are being authentic when you feel calm, peaceful and loving. When you can look at someone with no feeling of time, pressure, or agenda. Everything else is defense, unease and out of flow. So it’s pretty easy to check in with yourself and see how you are doing.
There are still many times (like this morning!) when I jump into sleep mode again, when the motor-mouth takes over and I feel like I am witnessing a car crash on TV – uhoh…there she goes again, speeding up! Accelerating! Watch the BARRIER!!! CRASH!!!!! Oops…
Back to writing it all down again, hohum..
But there is no blame now, its all part of the Work, part of the process, part of learning to live this life fully, lovingly and authentically. Every time I experience my asleepness, I write it down, question my thinking, and look forward to the next time to do it all over again, or not.
Comments