Elaine Grundy: looking for Urban Enlightenment

Byron Katie, The School of the Work Lesson #3: The Gift of Stress

I’ve always known intellectually that when I react to something it’s because I resist something inside.  During my time at the Byron Katie School I finally made the short 12 inch sink from my brain to my heart.  Now I know it unequivocally, and that has given me a sense of peace and gratitude I have not experienced before, because now I know when I experience resistance, I’m close to the truth.

This is such a powerful realization for me, I am not even sure I can articulate it, but I’m going to try! 

An Example:
I went to a  friend’s birthday party over the weekend and when I gave her my gift I said:
“ sorry, it’s not very exciting”, the words just spilled out apologetically and then the evening moved on.  Later, another friend who had observed the exchange commented that it was an odd thing to say “why were you apologizing when you bought her a nice gift?  That was a weird thing to say!” she said to me. 

Well, this is what my mind did…in sequence:

“How rude, why did she even bother to tell me she thought I was weird?!”
“She’s weird for telling me I’m weird!”
“I’m not weird.”
“Oh god, maybe I am weird?  Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh No, I DID do something wrong, I shouldn’t have said that”
“Does the party girl now think I’m weird too?”
“I diminished the gift, why did I do that?”
“Why do I apologize for everything, I’m such a schmuck”
“Ugh, I really suck”

Ok, don’t tell me you don’t do this too sometimes!!   But notice where I go!  My friend tells me I said a weird thing and I end up beating myself up and turning the simple statement into a self-massacre!

So I am sitting there with my torrent of thoughts, feeling bad about myself, and feeling angry at my friend for starting all this in the first place, when my ‘wise self’ whispers:

“Is it true? ‘That was a weird thing to say’, is it true?”

Umm, yeh, I guess it was.

From here a strange thing happened.  I simply saw the truth in it.  I saw that I didn’t need to apologize for buying a birthday gift for someone.  I saw that my friend was gifting me criticism so I could see what I was doing and be more aware next time.  I saw that my friend’s honesty was my growing awareness.  And I got very excited that I was seeing it so clearly.  In that moment all my anger and stress simply dropped away, I fell into peace again.

Who would you be without your story?

Byron Katie, The School of the Work learning #2: NO, it really isn't their fault...

Don’t you just HATE that?  Lesson no. 2 is the irrevocable knowledge that what I have been saying for years is true, whatever upsets me in others is what is upsetting me about myself.  There is absolutely no use trying to live in denial.  After all, is it working? 

“But, but…I hate arrogant, self-righteous people who can’t apologies!  That’s NOT me!!!”  So whose being arrogant and self-righteous now?  You know those moments when people call you stubborn or stuck up or down-right WRONG!  And you feel so outraged and angry and you look at them incredulously and think ‘WHAT?!?!  They are the ones being stubborn, stuck up and definitely WRONG!

Welcome to the mirror :)

There is a very simple way to begin the healing process and see for yourself the healing and freedom that can take place when you stop the denial.  Think of anything that causes you stress around other people – what beliefs are you carrying around about what people should and should do or say:

• People should be courteous
• People should be kind
• People should not kill
• People should apologize when they are wrong

Any thought that when I ask “Is it True?” you answer with an unswerving “YES”

This is denial.  You are fighting reality, you are fighting what is showing up in the world – we are not talking about morality here, I am only interested in the truth – not my moral truth, my religious truth, the ACTUAL truth.  Look around and take off the blinkers.  People are rude, people push into the queue, people kill each other, people don’t apologize.  I am screaming against the truth of it, and then wondering why I experience stress.  Screaming doesn’t solve anything….. isn’t that closer to the truth?

What would happen if you let go of the thought, just for a moment.  Who would you be without the story of 'he should do this' or 'they should do that'?  Can you even imagine life without your constant barrage of thinking?  What is under it all?  Could it be freedom, peace, calm, joy?

So long as we insist on holding on to the thoughts, we leave ourselves no choice but to experience the stress of it. “It shouldn’t be like this” we scream…”but it is” the universe says back…”but it SHOULDN’T be” we scream…”but it is” the universe says back…

How can we possibly hear our truth, experience the peace or love underneath the screaming?

Here’s what I know has been true for me….

• The less I fight reality the more I see it as kind and loving
• The more I accept what others say to me, the more I see it is always true, the less impact it has on me
• The less I expect others to do, the more they actually do
• The less I expect myself to do, the more I actually want to do
• If I stop pushing myself, I get more done effortlessly
• The more I inquire as to my thoughts, the more I love them.

Come and experience it for yourself!
Sue Lee, a qualified facilitator for the Work will be giving a 4 hour workshop on Saturday 31 October,

See here for more info…hope to see you there!

For a private facilitated session, please call me! Elaine 9660 4893

Tap onto Your Freedom using The Work of Byron Katie

An Introduction to

The Work of Byron Katie

Presented by

Sue Lee, Certified Facilitator of The Work
Saturday 31st October, 9am-1pm

“My partner doesn’t appreciate me."
“The world is a dangerous place.”
“I need more money.”
“I’m too fat.”

Thoughts like these may run through our minds many times a day, fostering fear, anger, stress, and depression. How different would your life be if these thoughts never bothered you again? The Work of Byron Katie is a process that clears the mind. It is a way to identify and question the thoughts that cause all the suffering and violence in the world. The Work is simply four questions and a turnaround, which is a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. It is so simple that anyone with an open mind can do it. This process works. It is radical, and life-changing.

The Work is used by leading-edge business leaders, mental health practitioners, coaches, educators, and by millions of people around the world, as a way to move from confusion to clarity. Practicing this simple process of self-inquiry, people who have spent years dealing with stress, fear, anxiety, and depression experience a profound shift in consciousness, a deep sense of inner peace, and the ability to approach problems with a clear mind.

“My partner doesn’t listen to me.”

“My children are disobedient.”

“I hate my job.”

“My life would be better if…”

Come learn a simple way to clear your mind and move from fear to freedom, from anger to joy, and from confusion to clarity. All you need is an an open mind, pen and paper.

  Come learn this simple, radical, and life-changing process of inquiry.

During this 4-hour workshop, you will:

- Learn to identify and question your stressful thinking.
- Learn to let go of concepts that are limiting you

- Experience how you live your life when you believe thoughts that are not true for you.

- Discover new possibilities and different perspectives.

- Learn how to facilitate yourself and others using The Work’s four questions and turnarounds.
- Realize what is true for you, and take home a powerful tool that can help you live with clarity and integrity.

About Sue Lee:

Sue Lee was a certified Holistic Health Counselor and a Licensed Bodyworker living in the state of California, USA before moving back to Malaysia in year 2004.  She is a Licensed Facilitator for The Work of Byron Katie, certified by the Institute of The Work to share the work with people and to serves as a mentor to facilitators in training.  She believes that true freedom and joy is an internal process.  By working with our limiting thoughts, the projected outside world will come closer in matching our true nature which is love and truth.

To book your seat: booking@elainegrundy.com
Date: Saturday 31 Oct, 9am-1pm
Venue: 282D River Valley Rd
Fee: S$160