Elaine Grundy: looking for Urban Enlightenment

Byron Katie, The School of the Work learning #1: Literal Listening

As I am trying to digest the last 9 days experience, its almost unspeakable what happens to you, not in a bad or weird way, but it’s such an intense experience its unspeakable in that it is almost impossible to explain!  Like all good things (eg Reiki Attunements, warm flourless chocolate cake, smelling a new born baby) these are things to be experienced, not taught.

So here goes an intellectual version of the real thing!
#1 Literal Listening:

In many other tools and philosophies (Law of Attraction, NLP) we are taught that the universe hears us literally, and whatever we focus on is what we get.  So for example in LOA we do not use negatives such as “I don’t want to be fat” because the Universe picks up on the focus ie the word ‘fat’ and gives us more of that.

In learning to speak literally and to get really clear on what we want, Byron Katie flips it and asks us to get really literal on what we hear as well.  It seems so obvious, but it was a real lightbulb for me.

For example, you’re having a fight and your partner yells at you “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” what goes on in your head when that is said is probably a similar version to what goes on in my head:

“That’s not true!  I totally listen, he’s the one not listening!”
“I can repeat everything he said to me!”
“I don’t need to listen, he’s already repeat himself 5 times”
"I don’t need to listen, he’s wrong anyway”  Etc etc

In literal listening, we hear the statement: “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” and we pause, take it in, and ask ourselves…is it true?

Well, duh!  With all that nonsense going on in my head, of course I'm not listening!

The usefulness of this technique is in its simplicity, and truth.  If we assume the Universe is kind, everything that happens to us is part of the Universal support for our growth and learning.  So when someone says to us “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” it’s a strong message from the Universe that we need to start listening – yes to the person who is talking to us, but also elsewhere in our life, eg. To ourself, to the world, to others, to our body etc etc where else in your life are you not listening?

There’s another way this works that is a real gem if you are fed up of fighting with loved one.  I now see every argument as a gift from the Universe, lots of messages for me to meditate on!  Recently my hubbie and I started a heated discussion on the topic of our children, but instead of rushing to my own defense, I rushed for the pen and paper, sat down and started scribbling furiously as he talked “What else?” I asked him.  You can imagine it stopped the fight dead.  Who can stay angry when you are nodding and writing and feeling gratitude that your partner is such a brilliant teacher, and who can remain unheard and frustrated when your partner is scribbling down your every word and asking for more feedback?

The end of War, now that’s something worth learning!

Law of Attraction Evening is here!

Many of you are familiar with the success of the book "The Secret" and many of you no doubt have read it and follow some of its precepts.  In this evening I am introducing concepts from the book "Ask and it is Given" by Esther Hicks which includes a crucial component to the LOA mix - the part of emotion.

This evening will provide you with tools to play with and although simple, they will begin to shift you antennae away from what you don't want, and towards what you do want.  This simply recalibration will have a fundamental impact on what begins to show up in your life.

If you have already read and enjoyed Law of Attraction this is an opportunity to practise the concepts and gain a deeper understanding to what the next steps might be,  even if you are a newbie to Law of Attraction concepts, this evening is fun, inspiring and if nothing else, you'll figure out what you would do with $10 million dollars :)  Enough said!

Wednesday September 30th, 7.30-9.30pm, $30
booking@elainegrundy.com

Eating one mouthful at a time

A friend of mine gifted me a wonderful book by Ajahn Brahm, Opening the Door of your Heart,  There are many lovely learning anecdotes in the book but one of them particularly struck me - being present, I quote directly from the book:

"We often fail to savor the moment.  Instead, while we are chewing on one piece of food, our attention is distracted as we look at our plate to choose the next thing on our fork.  some are even two or three forkfuls ahead of themselves - one forkful is in the mouth, one is waiting on the fork, another is heaped up waiting on the plate, while the mind contemplates the morsel coming third on the fork.

In order to relish the taste of your food, and know life in its fullness, we should often savor one moment at a time in silence.  Then we might get our money's worth in the fivestar restaurant called life."

The following day after reading this I observed myself at lunch.  I was eating a lovely bowl of Vietnamese beef noodles and at the beginning I was doing exactly what Brahm said I would do, one mouthful was chewing, while my fingers where pulling noodles out the bowl to rest on the spoon waiting to be shoveled in while my eyes were thinking about what next.  I was 3 mouthfuls away from reality!  I was shocked!  I put down my chopsticks, my spoon and refocused on my chewing.  My lunch partner had long finished his meal by the time I was half way through but I have to say it was a much more enjoyable experience, I only ate half the bowl as I was able to sense I was full much more accurately than normal (so maybe a great way to watch your weight as well!), and I didn’t notice I got any hungrier because of it.  I have been trying to make it an exercise in presence ever since and I have definitely slowed down my eating and improved my digestion as a result. 

I think the longer term benefit is in helping me practice presence – when we are present we slow down time, appreciate what we have and enjoy life much more fully, rather than chasing after things 3 mouthfuls away!  I have also noticed that in slowing down time we give ourselves space to think and make decisions about the next steps we want to take in life.  Instead of having to have the answer 3 steps away, we can make the decision when the time is right.  When I have fully swallowed one mouthful, then I am in the right place to decide what to have for the next mouthful.  How will I know what I will want in 3 mouthfuls time? 

The Myth of the "Should"

Ever wondered what this world would be like if we banned the word ‘should’?  I have, and I vote we do it!  Should is a horrible restrictive word, when I say it to myself I can actually feel the energy around my heart constrict and I feel a mild wave of depression in my brain.  It’s not a nice feeling.

Now try the word ‘could’.  When I think the word ‘could’ I feel curious, positive, opportunity, permission.  It also affects my brain only, I don’t feel my heart getting involved, or my organs – just my imagination, and it fires up possibility without the restrictive judgment of ‘should’.  Could is neutral, should is negative.

I should be more engaged at work
I could be more engaged at work

I should be making more money
I could be making more money

I should be a kinder/better/more spiritual person
I could be a kinder/better/ more spiritual person

I should….reflects failure, not doing well enough, not trying hard enough, like a finger wagging at you.
I could….reflects the possibility of more to come, of choice and of different strategies – there isn’t a feeling of failure but more an openness to change and try different things – it’s not personal and it’s not about you as a failure.  At the end of the day we all try our hardest, and even if we know we are not giving it our all, we are giving the best we can at the time – and that is good enough.

So next time you hear yourself saying ‘should’ to yourself or to someone else, change it to a ‘could’ and feel the difference!