I’ve just
completed part 1 of the Solution Focus coaching certification run by the Academy of Solution Focused Training and I LOVE the concepts. I have been using them at home and on
unsuspecting passer-bys with great success!
The general idea is extremely simple: to start with the end in
mind. Is that a massive revelation to
you? Probably not very earth shattering,
but if done very specifically, it is amazing how many of your problems
disappear when you start to shine the torch on what you want, as opposed
to what you DON’T want.
This is Law
of Attraction at its finest, which is another reason I love this type of
coaching, it refocuses you on what is working, and pretty much ignores what is
not working. It’s not what we’re used
to, and not what feels particularly natural, but when you persevere, its
remarkable the results that fall out of this type of enquiry. Take my daughter for example, she’s 5 years
old and terrified of bedtimes – she has bad dreams. So every night she lies with me and panics
about all the bad dreams, monsters, and horrid lurking things about to attack
her, obviously not a very good way to get to sleep! She is 100% focused on what she doesn’t want,
her language says it all “I don’t want to go to sleep cos I’ll have bad dreams”.
I don’t like bedtime because I’ll have bad dreams”, I don’t want to have bad
dreams anymore!” Is all I get when I use
general questions on her like ‘what’s the matter?’, ‘what’s the problem’, ‘what
do you want?’.
So with my
Solution Focus hat on I ask her the Goal-focused question which is ‘what do you
want instead?’ She pauses and then says,
“I want to dream about Princesses!” ‘What
else?’ I ask her, “Fairies! And
rainbows, and flowers, and unicorns…”
And so we go on, and very soon she is fast asleep with a big smile on
her face.
So simple =
too simple? Try it on anything, any
problem you are struggling with, ask yourself these few easy questions:
1. What do you want instead?
2. How will you know when you have what
you want?
3. How will things be different for you?
4. What actions will you be taking that
you are not taking at the moment?
Here’s a
recent example from a client of mine:
Problem “I
look at things so negatively, I always start to worry about things that haven’t
even happened yet and probably won’t, it’s so draining - I can’t sleep at night, I want to stop all
this! I don’t want to worry anymore.”
1. What do you want instead?
I want to
be happy; I want to be positive about life.
2. How will you know when you have what
you want?
I’ll wake
up after a good night’s sleep with a smile on my face, I’ll look forward to
getting out of bed and starting my day, I’ll be excited about my day and what I
have to do. I’ll feel enthusiastic but
peaceful.
3. How will things be different for you
and your loved ones around you?
Oh that’s
easy, I’d be much more pleasant to be with!
I’d be smiling more and have more time for my family, more time for
myself, at the moment I just lurch from crisis to crisis. I’d be calm, more focused – the smiling is a
big one!
4. What actions will you be taking that
you are not taking at the moment?
I’d definitely
be taking better care of myself, my diet and probably doing more exercise –
that always makes me feel great. I’ll
have all my tasks organized so that I know what I have to do in the day instead
of muddling through like I do at the moment, I’d probably actually have a
planned schedule instead of this chaotic mess I have right now! I’d make sure I have some treats planned in
my week to look forward to, like a spa treat or meeting friends for lunch –
that’s an obvious thing that would start my day well….
Amazing,
just by gaining more clarity on what you actually want, the steps for getting
there also become really clear. After
all, we all know what we need to be doing; we just get distracted by shining
the torch in the wrong direction, often missing the obvious solutions sitting
right under our noses.
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