I recently lost my voice, totally, and what a blessing it
was! It came at the tail end of a short
but sharp cold and it threw me into fits of coughing every time I opened my
mouth. So for 2 days I could only whisper,
but it was far more comfortable to just shut up and watch the world go by.
What surprised me was the lovely freedom that came with it. For 2 days I couldn’t call anyone, I couldn’t bark instructions at my children, couldn’t plan anything with my husband, couldn’t discuss, complain, direct, defend, authorize, gossip. The pure joy of it! It was so peaceful!
My children would wonder the corridors in our home shouting at the tops of their voices, and I realized I would normally be shouting louder, just to be heard. Yet now they had to come and find me, I could just carry on doing whatever I was doing until they did – no stress, just doing whatever it was I was doing. Question to self: Why don’t I do this all the time? Why do I feel I need to yell out my location every time I am called?
My children experienced the same liberation, instead of the constant stream of instructions coming out of my mouth – eat your breakfast, brush your hair, brush your teeth, stop hitting your sister, hurry up, the bus is coming, brush your teeth! Come on! Shoes on, shoes on, bag, BAG, lift is here, come on, come on! We’re LATE, COME ON! - Which is the usual commentary in our morning household, there was a quiet and gentle presence as I cajoled, herded and waved my arms in an altogether calmer and quieter manner. I had to be very present and constantly by their sides so they could see me as opposed to yelling at them from the other room whilst multi-tasking – it was a MUCH better experience! Amazingly we didn’t miss the bus, we didn’t rush (any more than normal!), and we got everything done we needed to do without the shouting and panic. Big note to self.
The final observation was how lovely it was to not have the constant thinking of what to say going round my head. This was a surprise to me, I am constantly thinking about what I should be saying next – it doesn’t just come out of my mouth in a stream, I have to first formulate the need to talk, then formulate the thoughts I want to communicate (and what is freaky is that my mind’s resting state is pretty empty – I actually spend energy making thoughts up!), then think about how I want to phrase it, then actually deliver it. What an exhausting process! When I was mute, what amazed me was how little I needed to say, it was so nice not to have to think about it, I could just let the world be without the constant need to provide a commentary. Bliss!
Now my voice is pretty much recovered, the stream has strengthened back to a river, the commentary is comfortably back in place, but I am hoping it is a little less forced, a little less self-conscious, and a little more meaningful.
Everything happens for a reason! Have you ever been ill and had a big ‘aha’ moment from it? Comment below!
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