Elaine Grundy: looking for Urban Enlightenment

Remembering to appreciate the Good Days

You know, I've been having a great month so far, so I was taken aback when on Tuesday my rosy world startedto fall apart.  It started off with my sitter calling in sick and me with a pile of frustrated 'to dos', and sort of went down hill from there.  Every day got progressively worse - my youngest decidedto start getting up at 5am, my eldest decidedshe was going to melt-down every day at 4pm till bedtime, my hubbie was away on business all week.  It got SO bad I didn't have time to watch my usual CSI fix...yes, THAT bad!!!  I was ranting and raving at the kids, feeling terrible and disappointed in myself, and I couldn't quite get a grip on what on earth was going on.

Then today, I got off an invigorating call with a wonderful group of colleagues; my children decided to play nice ALL day; its been wonderfully sunny so we were outside most of the afternoon and it suddenly hit me.....I was having a BRILLIANT day!  And then it hit me even harder....I can't actually control all this outside 'stuff' and how the kids decide to behave, and whether my sitter is well or ill, and and and...but it affects me so deeply that I am prepared to jump down everyone's throats for it, when really all I need do is accept that some days are going to be really really tough, and just compose myself through it all.  Call it 'wisdom training', if you like. After all, other days are going to be brilliant, and if we're too caught up in how terrible everything is some of the time, we'll miss all the good stuff most of the time. 

I am extremely grateful for this day.  And yes, I'm off to catch up on my CSI!

Listening instead of Talking

My mom just left after a week visit, I'm sooooo sad!!!

Mom and I are best friends, she's my inspiration, my mentor, my conscience, the person I want to be when I grow up.  I know, I'm lucky.  It wasn't always like this.  Growing up I was much closer to my dad in personality (opinionated, strong-willed, confident, life and soul of the party!) whilst my mother was much more reserved (as a child I would think of her as meek and mild).  In my mind such a personality would not get you far in the world.  You had to speak your mind or you would be overlooked.  Sad to say I think the majority of our society agrees with me!

Over the years I have realized that having something to say doesn't mean you should necessarily say it.  The wisest and most intelligent people I have met over the years actually say a lot less.  They spend their time listening, and then when they speak they measure the quality of their words, not the quantity.  I think even now I am too much talking, not enough listening. 

My mother listens, she responds with kindness and empathy, she has kept her childlike sense of wonder (that's why her grandchildren adore her!).  Over the years I have come to realize that her way of being is by far more confident and more persevering then any amount of opinionated noise.  Try as I might to emulate her serenity, my mind constantly races on to the 'next' thought that should be voiced.

The great thing about parenting is the lessons we can learn, and the practice it affords us.  Often I find myself jumping in too quickly with my daughter and her thoughts - she'll be asking me a question I think I already know the answer too.  She becomes so frustrated when I get it so wrong.  I'm learning to let her finish and to give her time to collect her thoughts and express herself fully.  I'm learning to be more like her grandmother - listening and not talking. 

Practice makes perfect!