Another aspect of looking for the space is to look for space
around your thoughts. Many of our beliefs and thoughts are so TIGHT
there is no way we can release them, and it feels like that too – like if you
released it you would explode – like it’s the ONE thing holding you together!
A wonderful example is taken from a conversation with a friend, see
if you can relate to this. She has a relationship
with her dad whereby she can only stand a few moments before the tension starts
to build. He starts talking, and talking
and talking and she things ‘oh my god, I can’t STAND this!’ I have this with one of the mums at school, I
almost can’t look at her for fear of setting her off on one of her tirades. Funny, but I think I am going to slap her –
it’s such a strong reaction to this poor woman who is literally just standing
next to me opening her mouth and making sounds.
Somehow I think the sounds are going to make me explode!
My friend had this epiphany…what would happen to me if I
just stood there and listened? WOULD I
actually explode? The belief that you
can’t stand it anymore slowly loosens – there is space. So she tried it, next time she visited her
father she thought to herself, I’m here for an hour, I’m dedicating my time to
this, there is nowhere else to be, nothing else to do. Just sit, listen, engage. And she did.
Just like that. Amazing. Now her thoughts are looser, there is space
around it, she knows she CAN stand it, she knows she isn’t going to
explode. With this new information, who
knows what can happen?
I was inspired by her.
I tried it with my school mum, I looked her in the eyes, she set off on
a run with a minute by minute account of her day from 7am till we met and what
else she had to do till 10pm that night.
I listened, nodded and then slapped her on the face. Heehee, only kidding!
Ok, so I’ve still got a way to go to loosen this particular
one! If you’ve got a sticky one like
this, here’s what I’m doing which helps:
1.
She is so annoying because: (list all the
reasons why you think they are so annoying)
2.
If I listen to her/him, what do you fear will
happen?
3.
What advice would you give them to help them be
less annoying?
For no. 1, turn it around on yourself – can you find
examples where you have done this too in your past?
For no 2, do Inquiry – is this belief true? How do you
behave toward them when you think its true?
Who would you be without this thought?
Turn it around.
For no 3, turn the advice around on yourself – feel the
truth of it and where you could apply it in your own life.
Annoying people are truly a gift for us, they highlight
areas we are trying to improve in our own lives, or blind spots that could use
a bit of improvement. Think about your
own friends who find others annoying and test it – it’s always easier to see it
from the outside. Honestly, is what they
complain about in others also areas that could do with some polishing in their
own lives?
The outside world is always our mirror, there are no
accidents that what irritates us is what needs fixing in us. It’s very often hard to see (or admit to) but
if you want your own peace, you need to get down and dirty and honest. If you like your stress, then by all means
keep your denial :)
